Hi my people,
Today’s post is going to be a little bit different from my usual. Today, I want to talk to you about fear, more specifically, my fear.
When I first decided to undertake this writing journey, I don’t think I ever imagined how much of my life it would consume. I wrote a book. Although it was time consuming, it didn’t really seem to impact the rest of my life. Then I published a book, and things quickly changed.
What I quickly came to realize is writing is a fulltime job. To do it well, to produce the best work, to market your work, writers have to be as dedicated to their craft as they would be punching a clock every day. Am I that dedicated? Hell yeah! I love writing and it loves me back. It’s not a perfect love. We fight, fuss, and argue more than I care to admit, but we get each other like nothing else in this world.
So if I love it so much, where does the fear enter in, the hurt?
Well, I’m at the point in my life where I have to make some serious decisions. Continue to try and balance the real-world LaQuette and author LaQuette, or just put my faith and my heart into what I love.
Have you ever stood at the edge of a moment, knowing the decisions you were making at this moment would forever change your life? It’s scary as hell.
I’ve systematically organized my real-world life to help provide greater space for my writing. But although I’ve jumped through all of these hoops, and pressed against what seemed like immovable mountains, the real-world is still trying to stomp my joy into the ground.
A week ago, I probably would have let my joy be crushed into a million tiny pieces under reality’s boot. Hell, yesterday afternoon probably would have found me again trying to make room for my writing amongst reality’s demands. However a brief moment with my five-year-old last night shed some much-needed light on my situation.
While sitting in a movie theater watching, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, my baby saw me laughing at something on screen and asked me, “Mommy, are you happy?”
In that moment I realized he was picking up on something I hadn’t even acknowledged. The answer in that moment, yes, I was happy to be sharing such a wonderful time with my firstborn, but honestly, in general I wasn’t very happy at all. I was pushing my writing aside to take care of what the real world said was more important.
My husband asked me recently why I keep trying to accommodate the real world when it doesn’t care to accommodate me. Why am I holding on so desperately to something that doesn’t want me? The only answer I could come up with was, “I’m afraid.”
Well, no more.
This is it; I’m finally accepting what I should have done all those years ago when I realized writing was my joy. I’m making it the priority it should have always been. It is no longer the afterthought, it is primary. I’m not deferring my dreams any longer.I’ve got fifteen weeks to make my joy, my dreams come true. My first step is this blog post, putting it out into the world that it’s okay for me to work toward my dream. It’s a good thing, something I don’t have to apologize for.
I have a friend that asks me every time I speak to her, “Are you writing?” The truth be told, I love it when she asks me this—although I’ll never admit it to her publicly, so don’t tell her. It keeps me honest. So I’m going to ask all of you to do the same thing. Whenever we chat I want you to ask, “Are you writing?” Remind me that there’s a very real-world application for what I do. Remind me I am—after all is said and done—LaQuette: Romance Author.